Never meant to be
by belletrixie
Summary: a love that was never meant to be and a death that was supposed to lie at the hands of another. two boys wonder at their relationship. major angst, suicide themes HPDM slash
1. Default Chapter

"Potter!" I look into your eyes, the sparking emerald that sets my heart on fire and I know I'm supposed to be mad. But your innocent beauty, the love that was never meant to be... And you look at me like I'm crazy, where's the evil blonde that's supposed to be your enemy? A silent tear drips down my face and you look at me like I'm crazy. Why?  
  
_I've been driving for an hour _

_Just talking to the rain _

_You say I've been driving you crazy_  
  
"Malfoy!" Dear God why can't I tell him to go away? What's wrong with me? He faces me and a tear falls. Malfoys aren't supposed to show emotion. Maybe he isn't what I made him out to be...but his eyes are cold and gray as slate...  
  
_Tell me why i should stay _

_'cause i don't want to waste _

_another moment in saying things _

_we never meant to say_  
  
I reach out and stroke his cheek, run and ice cold hand through his messy hair  
  
_And I take it just a little bit  
_  
Run a hand down his back. Why don't I just say what I mean? I love you. Or what I should say? Get away from me you bastard! But I'm sucked up in the middle and I won't rest until I'm in your arms  
  
_I_ _hold my breath and count to ten _

_I've been waiting for a chance to let you in_  
  
A heart can free another, give the coldhearted the love to live. I can stretch my heart that I "wear so proudly on my sleeve" to fill Draco with warmth  
  
_If I just breathe_

_Let it fill the space between_  
  
A pink flush returns to my pale cheeks and I grow warm, from a love that I know was never meant to be...  
  
_I'll know everything is alright _

_Breath _

_Every little piece of me  
_  
A breath in my ear tells me everything, why can't you be meant to e?  
  
_Well it's all so overrated_  
  
But he's cheating on Hermione.  
  
_I'm not saying how you feel  
_  
But why can't you love me? You pull back and I wonder if it's real. That we were never meant to be? Cold stone and jewels don't rest together but together we could fix that. But only you walk away, leaving the place empty where someone was meant to be. Shivering...  
  
_I wonder if you realize _

_I've been waiting 'til _

_I see it in your eyes  
_  
"Harry!" you pause at your name whispered so delicately from my cold lips, and you look back and I can see it in your eyes. But you continue on wondering if it was meant to be.  
  
_So I whisper in the dark _

_Hoping you'll hear me  
_  
I love you and without you I am broken and will fall into the footsteps of my father and be the guilty and evil one and you fed me the heart to survive. The one that will now be led to destroy you. But I still love you.  
  
_Do you hear me? _

__

_The song is Michelle Branch's Breathe. this was just a little piece I wrote when the lights were out and I was felling down. Really a way to keep myself from making my first cut in my life. really scary, but eventually i was too scared to do it. however, now when i post this, i can't believe I even considered it._


	2. Everywhere

From Draco's point of view, the song is "everywhere' by Michelle Branch (tell me i'm obsessed, but i'm not. its just the stuff I can actually write too) i own nothing but my ideas. this is just another way of looking at things.  
  
WARNING: MY THOUGHTS (OR DRACO'S) MAY BE EXTREMLY CONFUSING!! YOUR ADVICE IS WELCOMED AND WANTED!!

Crabbe and Goyle are being annoying again. How many times do i have to tell them things? Sighing i look over to the Gryffindor table. My cold gray eyes rest on a dark-haired beauty...wait did I just think beauty? NO what's happening to me?...Saint Potter, and his stupid grin he has on as he watches Weasley stuff his mouth with food. Disgusting, doesn't he have manners? Why is harry smiling? Why is my heart wrenching in two when he smiles?  
  
_Turn it inside out so i can see _

_The part of you that's drifting over me_  
  
The glow of warmth and love that travels with him...some say he's as cold as me, but how, when he has a heart? They look at him with pity, fear, and what? Wait why am i thinking about him? Grumbling I force myself to look away, but in another minute my gaze is back on him. The weight of his heart that he drags with both courage and fear surrounds me, so heavy i can hardly bear it. I shut my eyes, almost longing for him to pass me, to put his burden on me, I can't stand to see my noble enemy suffer when it's not from my hands. and yet i long for him to come up to me, except he'll never by free will, i know.  
  
_And when I wake you're never there _

_But when sleep you're everywhere _

_You're everywhere  
_  
In the hearts of others and hurting everyone with your sadness and anger. I hardly know you anymore. you used to pick fights with me, but now you can't even to e bothered to throw one insult in my direction. Was i really never that important to you? Or is it only until recently?  
  
_Just tell how I got this far_  
  
Without you noticing me  
__

_Just tell me why _

_I'm here and who you are_  
  
Who did this to you? You're someone completely different.  
  
_'Cause everytime I look_  
  
and each time I look back at the Gryffindor table, longing for the old Harry to come back, to pay me any kind of attention...  
  
_you're never there _

_And everytime _

_I sleep you're always there  
_  
The Gryffindor who sits there watching the rest of the Dream team, isn't the boy in my dreams, the leader I want to beat. Or do i want to beat him?  
  
_'Cause you're everywhere to me _

_And when I close my eyes it's you_

_I see _

_You're everything _

_I know that makes me believe_

_  
  
_That there is some hope, some way for me to succeed, some way for me to defeat my father and everything around me. that...  
  
_I'm not alone_  
  
You...  
__

_I'm not alone_  
  
...should be here next to me, had you only taken my hand on the first day, had you not chosen a different path. What did you do? to yourself? to your future? Why was my blood not good enough for you?  
  
_I recognize the way you make me feel  
_  
Jealous, angry, loving (no i couldn't have said that), the way you look down at your plate sends shivers through my ice-cold veins.  
  
_It's hard to think that you might not be real _

_I sense it now, the water's getting deep_  
  
Father says you will die, he says that in every letter, it's supposed to make me laugh, to make me happy. But I sense the dread that surrounds you...  
  
_I try to wash the pain away from me_  
  
it's too much to bear....when I'm not supposed to feel your sadness, or any feelings at all.  
  
_Away from me  
  
And when I touch your hand _

_It's when I understand_

What? that I'm not important to you? Or that I know how you feel? Or the duty that's entrusted to you? No, but that how you're heart' s getting heavy, with the love that's missing. And I hate to think I have some part in it. In making you collapse in your seat of weariness and doom. And I understand  
  
_The beauty that's within_  
  
And... 

_It's now that we begin_  
  
Together..

_You always light my way  
_  
With your warm glow...leading me through the darkness of the tunnel, and all I have to face to get to you...  
  
_I hope there never comes a day _

_No matter where I go  
_  
...on the grounds, History of Magic, potions....  
  
_I always feel you so  
_  
hanging over my head, reminding me of what I can't become, of what I need to do...  
  
_Cause you're everywhere to me _

_And when I close my eyes it's you _

_I see _

_You're everything i know that makes me believe _

_I'm not alone _

_'Cause you're everywhere to me and when _

_I catch my breath it's you _

_I breathe_  
  
if only that was literal...wait am I actually admitting that?  
  
_You're everything _

_I know that makes me believe _

_I'm not alone..._  
  
to live up to people's expectations and to bear the burden, for you of saving the world, and me of destroying all happiness inside.  
  
_You're in everything i see_  
  
your heart travels the halls of Hogwarts, and I watch it waiting for Harry to come back and pay me the slightest attention.  
  
_So tell me_  
  
Without breaking my heart, or do I not have a heart? That pains me, only it shouldn't, it should prove that I am really a Malfoy.  
  
_Do you see me?_  
  
Dying for your love before your empty eyes

_Originally I though this was going to be a one shot but then my depression got the best of me._


	3. Empty Handed

_set to the song 'empty handed' by Michelle Branch, doesn't belong to me. Neither do Draco and Harry, although their names aren't really mentioned in this fic, it was written with them in mind......_

__

__

so, i 'm dying,there's nothing to it, just my lifeless once emerald eyes. i havn't lived for ages, not since you left me and mared your perfect pale skin. so...  
  
_here i am take me it's easier to give in_  
  
to the pain. i thought you would always be there in the end, even if my friends turned against me, you were always knew the truth, whether it was from the information from your father or because you knew me so well, i'll never know anymore

_some people mistake me _

_they only hear what _

_they want to hear_

_  
  
_they never want to hear my less-than-golden thoughts,they never want to know that i can't fit their prefect image anymore  
  
_if your losing sleep_  
  
though i think you're not. I can only hope you care when your arch enemy falls to the ground. But even that I believe is stretching the realilty.  
  
_forgive me_  
  
for not allowing you to do the honors  
  
_i just can't keep pretending_  
  
that i'm a bloody Gryffindor, or their hero, their fucking mascot. That i don't still feel for you...  
  
_i'm paking my bags _

_'cause i don't wanna be the only one _

_who's drowning in their misery_

would you care if i drowned? or only that you weren't the one to push me in? i'll spare you the details, so you can just forget about me, im going away,and i'm not coming back...i've lost everything if i get caught sneaking off, would you come to my rescue? but..  
  
_and i'll take that chance 'cause _

_i just wanna breathe_

but i don't deserve pure air, so maybe i'll take one last breathe...  
  
_and i won't look back and _

_wonder how it's supposed to be_

On earth, how would i live? but here, i hope i don't wonder what happened to you. i can only wait for you  
  
_how its supposed to be_  
  
How my life's supposed to go on without you? Looking out onto the grounds, strange how you can see through glass but it isn't there.

does that make you think of me? Soon i will be little more than that, a shadow, transparent. it's already beginning.but...  
  
_there's a prism by the window_   
  
that lets me see you one last time, flying on the pitch. I can see your silver hair glimmer in the sun and for a moment it blinds me.

_it lets the light leak in  
_  
because you are my light and you are my darkness. You make me free, and you weigh me down  
  
_i wish you would let me  
_  
feel your love...but a Malfoy lives by no heart, and its killing ME.  
  
_you feel the water but do you swim?_

i certainly don't, do you? I'm drowning. And in my dreams...  
  
_its only me empty handed _

_with a childish grin and a camera..._

taking a picture, staring at you in the Hospital Wing. Your so beautiful when you sleep, even after Ron's punched your face so its barly reconizable. Your insults almost don't matter while I'm looking at you here. 

And it fills my heart, and then you wake up and break it. And still i sing...  
  
_la da da da_  
  
as i make my first cut  
  
_cause i'm packing my bags_

_  
  
_for heaven or for hell, i do not know and quite frankly i don't really care all that much.   
My mother will be dissapointed. Is this what she gave her life to her child for?   
But she won'tcare when I say I did it for you, a MALFOY. 

I laugh harshy, a bitter, cold, heart wrenching laugh.  
No she won't care for me anymore, just like no one will care in this world when they find out the truth i have beried for so long.

'Cause I'm leaving one nightmare where you are the star and entering another one. One where you are just another memory.   
Just one more slice...  
  
_and i won't be back  
_  
forgive me Draco, but dont follow me. You don't deserve death, and I don't deserve you. Call me twisted. I don't give a damn, it's all just another memory.


End file.
